i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
