Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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