so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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