Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
