Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
