i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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