i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
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