I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
