FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
