Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
