do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
