so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
