Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
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