I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
