4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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