apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
