i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
