Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
