; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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