The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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