he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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