Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize