Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
