my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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