I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I can't trust your balls anymore.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
