There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize