My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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