regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
