Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
