thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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