She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
