my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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