I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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