Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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