I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize