YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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