you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
