from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
