I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
