There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
