dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
