Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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