I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
