I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
