are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize