Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
