the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
