now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
now i know why i became what i already was.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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