this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
