He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
