I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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