So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
So here I am, sexting at work.
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