u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
