If that was your dad, he is hot
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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