my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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