Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
You can't special order awesome
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
