Ambien. No doubt about it.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
