do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
