Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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