Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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