dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
