I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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