Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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