Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
you inspire me to be a worse person
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
