And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
