Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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