hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
