This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
