woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
